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My gift is not your gift is not their gift is not...ok

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No, I have not been gone for 5 months...
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Recently in this mad journey they call life, the mountain I've been learning to conquer, is one of comparison, often leading to jealousy.

 Now this has often felt like a taboo subject for me, because as soon as you mention to someone you're feeling jealous (not that I've done that, ngl - fear is clearly another, higher mountain we're working on overcoming hehe. Might speak about that one another day), it turns into this terrible sickness you have that no one wants to address because it's awkward.

 It is awkward to admit that you're jealous of someone or some aspect of another person. We're often made to villainise people who are quote unquote jealous of us, to dismiss them as haters or people that don't have anything better to do with their lives.

 I Moyosoreoluwa Omoronke Owoseni-Lawal (yes it is, and don't ask me how to pronounce it), declare today that this notion is stoopid.

 Having somewhat come to truly understand what a broken world we live in and what broken people we are, it makes sense that we feel jealousy and resentment towards others; some are just more open with it than others.

 But, for me, the jealousy that I've felt has stemmed from comparison. I have gifts, you have gifts, we all have gifts (see what I did there?), but every now and then when you peep over your metaphorical fence and see someone that has more developed gifts than you, you kinda get discouraged and feel like yours are lesser.

 THIS IS CRAP. It makes you feel crappy, makes you treat your neighbour like trash (whether that's irl or in your mind. Mmhmm, I said it.) and can really dim your passion for those gifts.

 Ultimately, comparison is the thief of joy (I had to say it at some point).

 Now, for me, the breakthrough came in having a moment where I stopped and actually realised what was going on; why I felt a certain way towards that one person when I didn't want to. And it was because I was trying to compare things that were never made for comparison.

 Whether you believe it or not, the truth is we were all created with our own unique purpose and gifting. We are not like anybody else!! And like I've heard said so many times (and is so true!), there is space for everyone! Like you have the space to start that blog, that YouTube channel, upload that cover, and whatever it is you feel called to do.

 Ultimately, when we turn our eyes away from our own gifting and talent (and Jesus, amen church), and focus on the talents of others, we often then begin lagging behind anyway because we've lost our passion and our 'why' (wow I sound like such a pastor).

 So, a practical first step. Remember why it is you fell in love with that thing that I know you do so well. If there are any improvements you could make, turn that amazing neighbour into an inspiration and reach out to them for help, or if you can't, seek to improve yourself in your craft in other ways (I'm sure you have plenty of resources around you in 2020, even in quarantine child). If there's nothing to be improved per se, spend some time being intentionally grateful for the gift you have and learning to love it without being self-critical (this is much easier said than done, but that's why I said intentionally smart ass :)).

 Ultimately, what I'm tryna tell you is that you can't compare your chapter 1 to someone else's chapter 20. I feel like I deserve an award for most cringe Christian quote, but it's true. Ultimately, everyone has had their personal journey in developing their gifting. Maybe yours is at a different stage to someone else's, but if you continue focusing so deeply on their journey, you won't be able to enjoy the bumps, and many many passing fields of sheep in your own (wait, are we still talking about comparison?) Appreciate your journey and your growth and love what you're doing. You'll be the best at it simply for that reason, if nothing else.

 And none of this is written to make it all seem easy or patronise you (I know you're smarter than that ;)). It's a journey I have to choose to make every single day. You're not alone in feeling this way, and you're not a villain or a 'hater' (*virtual eye roll*) for it either (unless you're a troll, then you may need a bit more help than I can provide in this post). You just need to discover and love what's inside of you.

 And...Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. xoxo
But the man with the single thousand dug a hole and carefully buried his master’s money...“The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest (Matthew 25:18, 26-27).

 P.S. I don't usually add bible verses to my posts but while I was thinking about this topic and post, this parable popped into my head. I hope it resonates with somebodyyyy x
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